I’ve been back and forth about this whole bikini competition lately. Mostly because I’ve become so obsessive about what I put in my mouth that in the end I end up over eating and failing…miserably. What was once supposed to be a fun and challenging goal is now an obsessive compulsion.
This past holiday weekend as I gorged on pasta, cookies, and cake [don’t judge me] I remembered a time when I was COMPLETELY gluten free… lately I’ve loosened my belt on my strict diet.. literally. I’ve felt heavier than I have in a while… my dairy free, gluten free, coffee free life style has been pushed to the side because instead of living meal by meal like I used to I was living calorie by calorie. I WAS WRONG! [do I get points for admitting it?] So yesterday I downloaded Wheat Belly on my Kindle and began reading…[thanks to the skinny confidential for turning me onto the book!]
Seriously I many never eat wheat again… I now know why I felt lighter, less tired, even happier. Yes wheat affects everything from your head to your toes, even organic all natural bread.
So I’ve decided to continue to do yoga/boxing/lifting regularly because it makes me happy. BUT instead I’m focusing more on eating right instead of eating less. For myself I find that planning my days are ridiculously difficult because I end up eating more or concentrating on something that I shouldn’t be. [although I still stash snacks in my bag, like/comment for a what’s in my bag blog!]
Competition is innate in life. We compare/judge/envy others on a day to day basis…Putting the competition on the back burner is probably a good idea for me.. I need to feel good and look good to myself before I can compare myself on stage to others.
So, for right now I’m focusing on myself and my health, I feel bad for ‘giving up’ but sometimes LETTING GO is the hardest thing a person can do and I am proud of myself that I was able to see/do this before I got too deep.
Rachel Begins Here... 