6.5 weeks out: A change in perspective

I really feel like crap today. I slipped up and over did my fat last night[2tbsp instead of 1], I’m getting my monthly so I’m bloated, my abs look like shit, and I basically feel like a monster or steroids[to clarify I’m not on steroids].

Last week I was on a high.. snap chatting the whole world[aka my boyfriend] photos of my abs on low carb day. I WAS ACTUALLY LOVING LOW CARB DAY!

And now it’s this…Four weeks is quickly approaching and my diet will condense even more and I just keep thinking how will I survive and I don’t even look ready. My coach is fabulous and checks on me regularly but how do you burden someone with thoughts like this? Especially when some days I feel fantastic! I feel like I’m constantly on a damn rollar-coaster [ironically my nickname growing up was rachel, rachel, rollar-coaster]

So I went through my morning feeling like crap, taught a yoga class that was spiritual-less[crap], and then went on Facebook to look at motivational photos stalk others to make me feel like crap. Why am I punishing myself like this?! Then I saw Tabitha’s post [she is competing in Vegas in 4 weeks!] —“I am not gonna pretend… I am tired today. This process is not always pretty and it is not always fun. Yes it would be easy to skip a workout today, let the tired take over but that’s not who I am. The tired reminds me it’s hard and the hard reminds me how great the reward will be. I know this time around I will#beatmybest and for that I am proud. So tired is ok, it’s what you do with the tired that counts” Many times I forget how rewarding this process is and will be because I’m so focused on the food after my show as my reward instead of the discipline I have learned and the muscle I have gained. Those are exceptional rewards that will last a lifetime..

Then I realized if I even want to place… I need to be confident in myself… that confidence will radiate from inside-out, into my ever so graceless walk.. I posted the image below to Ohra Wellness’s Facebook page yesterday. Perhaps it is time to change my perspective on how I feel about my body… and my body will follow.

So I guess that is my weekly goal: Radiate Confidence and change perspective.

Through our bodies we see the world in a ‘new perspective’ during inversions. Having trouble with inversions? Challenge yourself to see things differently in your mind… your body will follow.

Twelve Weeks Out. [I wanna be 12 days out.]

Today is twelve weeks out… I’m still kinda shocked to be honest… I’ve been going through the motions of training and eating 5/6 times a day without thinking now that it still hasn’t hit me that I’m training for a bikini competition. The thing they don’t tell you about competitions is that in the beginning it fucking sucks, I’m bloated and nauseous by about 3 pm every day..[I know I know a week ago I said what’s not to love… I take it back!!!]

I’m tired of chicken and egg whites and tilapia and I have a SEVERE case of the I DON’T WANNA’s. See for me I’ve always been a grazer… so eating this much protein and carbs is kinda like a shock to my body.. so much so that I feel like I haven’t seen any change [so much so that I’m embarrassed to post any photos of myself!].

I took photos this morning and weighed myself [119.4] so I have a starting point… I just can’t wait to cut [I say that now right?].  My glutes are DEFINITELY rounder and bigger and my arms/whole upper is way more toned. However,I feel mainly the same looking… I’m mainly focused on my tummy cus that’s always been a tough spot for me. The only time I see a significant difference really is when I flex [vs flexing a month ago] perhaps the bloat is causing this..But my boyfriend says I look leaner sexier and way more toned… lets just hope these low points don’t last long .. I’m losing some motivation bc of it. Maybe no one talks about how awful the beginning is… but IDC I think people should know what they’re getting into!! Also.. how can you look at yourself at 12 weeks out and feel like a sexy beast when u know soon you’re gonna look like the pic below[or some variation of]… an even sexier beast… I wanna be 12 days out not 12 weeks…UGH!

 

To increase my motivation I’ve called upon the gods of instagram and found Jessica Arevalo IFBB Pro [pictured below]. The young lady is EXACTLY my height [5’1 &3/4″] and my inspiration right now [I think it’s best to find a bod that is similar type/height as yours so your expectations aren’t distorted!]… along with a few words that really INSPIRED me by Bella Falconi. I have to say thank god for internet or idk how I’d get through this without the wise words of the women I one day hope to stand with.

^^JESSICA AREVALO^^ – Isn’t this chick STUNNING?!

 

Words that are keeping me strong right now every time I question why I’m doing this:

“If you ask me why do I do this, I will ask you back, what don’t you? I have never regretted one single training, one single cardio session, eating healthy, sticking to my diet and being compromised to my goals. I don’t remember feeling sad after a killer workout, “oh I shouldn’t have done that”. No sir, I do not recall being mad at myself for changing my eating habits. Now, I do remember the amazing feeling after I saw PROGRESS! I do remember being so much excited after I noticed my legs growing, my abs showing and my entire body tight! I do remember wanting this, each day more and more and feeling glad that I took the decision to start. Now, you really think that you’ll be able to feel that good by sitting on your couch and wishing that you looked like someone else? Hell no! People, if you don’t do it for yourself, no one will. Guess what else? No one will feel sorry for you because you are not happy with yourself. It’s your job to take care of your body, and it’s yours alone. Peace out!”-Bella Falconi

Straight Juicin’

A Mini Adventure: Strala/Lululemon/&Chobani

I had the pleasure of taking a mini adventure into the city on Wednesday. It’s been quite sometime since I’ve “hung out” with myself and I think it’s a good tradition I plan on upholding.

I even made specific ‘plans’ to follow… Getting out by yourself vs the comfort of doing something with a friend is quite empowering [just make sure you don’t bail on yourself!]

So here was my itinerary: Strala,Lululemon,Chobani.

At Lulu lemons’s I bought some clothes and a mat. If you are a sweaty palm person ..guilty.. and you’re tired of washing those damn yogi toes [that cost just as much as the mat from LLL’s FYI!] then you need this mat because IT IS WONDERFUL! no slipping no sliding no problems. The people at LLL’s sure did mean it when they said I would kick some serious asana.

I love hitting up a manhattan yoga class. There’s nothing like walking down broadway with all its stores and tourists just go pop through a small glass door, go up an elevator, walk down a hallway and BAM! Gorgeous [huge] yoga room equipped with gorgeous yoga teachers. Strala is co-founded by up and coming yoga sensation/model Tara Stiles. I attempted to get to her 5:30 relax class but apparently the cars on the west side highway did not want me to get there in time…. However, I had the pleasure of being the lovely and talented Heidi Kristoffer’s student for the evening during her 7 pm strong class. [relax and strong are open all levels and lovers of yoga]

Heidi’s class consisted of lots of ball busting poses like holding plank for 2 minutes or dancing in goddess pose[aka holding a squat for 5 minutes] all while being reminded to SMILE! I really enjoy classes that don’t take anything too seriously, the lightness in the room was something beautiful. I’ve never been encouraged to laugh during boat pose or literally kiss my knees while bringing my knee to my nose. Yeah Strala is something wonderfully different.

Heidi Kristoffer @ Strala [holding forearm stand]

Last but not least CHOBANI! Chobani soho is on prince street [not far from strala yoga] and is the only Chobani store in the world. Where they literally make you yogurt with the freshest and yummiest of ingredients. This was such a treat after yoga, I almost ordered every single one I couldn’t choose. So I settled on two one for now one for the morning.. I got Grapefruit & Mint and for later Fig &Walnut. [ I will definitely be recreating both if not all masterpieces at home]

Quick Tip: For those who don’t know flavored yogurt has wayyy too much sugar/extra ingredients. You’re better off getting plain and adding honey yourself so it was really  great the C.soho used plain yay!

I was the happiest little yogi in the world coming back home I actually had trouble sleeping.. perhaps it was because I knew I would be sporting my new LLL clothes/mat in the morning.

xor

Bikini Blues

I’ve been back and forth about this whole bikini competition lately. Mostly because I’ve become so obsessive about what I put in my mouth that in the end I end up over eating and failing…miserably. What was once supposed to be a fun and challenging goal is now an obsessive compulsion.

This past holiday weekend as I gorged on pasta, cookies, and cake [don’t judge me] I remembered a time when I was COMPLETELY gluten free… lately I’ve loosened my belt on my strict diet.. literally. I’ve felt heavier than I have in a while… my dairy free, gluten free, coffee free life style has been pushed to the side because instead of living meal by meal like I used to I was living calorie by calorie. I WAS WRONG! [do I get points for admitting it?] So yesterday I downloaded Wheat Belly on my Kindle and began reading…[thanks to the skinny confidential for turning me onto the book!]

Seriously I many never eat wheat again… I now know why I felt lighter, less tired, even happier. Yes wheat affects everything from your head to your toes, even organic all natural bread.

So I’ve decided to continue to do yoga/boxing/lifting regularly because it makes me happy. BUT instead I’m focusing more on eating right instead of eating less. For myself I find that planning my days are ridiculously difficult because I end up eating more or concentrating on something that I shouldn’t be. [although I still stash snacks in my bag, like/comment for a what’s in my bag blog!]

Competition is innate in life. We compare/judge/envy others on a day to day basis…Putting the competition on the back burner is probably a good idea for me.. I need to feel good and look good to myself before I can compare myself on stage to others.

So, for right now I’m focusing on myself and my health, I feel bad for ‘giving up’ but sometimes LETTING GO is the hardest thing a person can do and I am proud of myself that I was able to see/do this before I got too deep.

I’M F^$&ING STARVING

Once upon a time…(aka Sunday) I completely lost my shit.

After two long weeks of a gluten free, dairy free, fun free diet [& working out 6x a week] cheat night had finally arrived…

Saturday was “cheat night/date night” with Amedeo. We settled on Gnocchi with vodka sauce and fresh mozzarella on top and some vino. On the way to pick up the order Burger King caught my eye and I [easily] talked Amedeo into splitting a whopper with fries and a cinnabun for dessert. Yes it was the PERFECT cheat meal.. Until the next day.

The next day we woke up and Amedeo looked completely shredded, better than any of the guys in movie we watched the night before [Magic Mike]. Thoughts:WTF SERIOUSLY. I looked in the mirror. Thoughts: Ew.. but expected after a night like I had it’s prob not that bad.

Of course I weigh myself (as I COMPULSIVELY do every morning) and there it was 120.8. I officially declared I hate life. THOUGHTS: Seriously, how is it that a year and a half ago I was a pack a day smoker, I ate whatever I wanted (the 1 or 2x a day I ate) , lived on red bull and was 110 pounds. I know it’s just a number but seriously I’ve come so far just to dread/obsess over a number on a scale.

After tons of whining and freaking out and thoughts of going out and eating doughnuts. I got my shit together for about 20 minutes to kinda/sorta/almost run on the treadmill. I declared today a rest day and ate fairly healthy.

Seriously tho my goal is not unrealistic..I just want to look like Vanessa Tib.. or Bella Falconi. I know what you’re thinking but seriously here is a before and after of v.tib (1-2 pic is 6 months- one year progress). I SPECIFICALLY look at them for inspiration because they ARE my height.

I hated my boyfriend for looking good and being such a know it all about looking good. I hated my body, my hair, my face, my entire existence. Seriously I laid in bed all day and just moped around like a loser. I don’t know how the hell I managed that day to eat okay [prob bc I was tracking myself on myfitnesspal] let alone got the motivation to like… work out yesterday but I did.. TWICE.

It really bothers me how everyone’s all LA DEE DA I LOVE HEALTH! I tried to be like that but in reality I’M FUCKING STARVING! I researched shit all day Sunday and decided to incorporate carbs back in.. Honestly when you are working out SO hard you cannot deprive yourself and only eat 1200 calories. It’s unrealistic. Look up what these ladies eat it is insane.

Two days later I looked in the mirror after a session at the gym [and a bagel w/cc for breakfast!] and finally saw the lines/weight loss my boyfriend said he saw but I couldn’t. The weight I re-gained overnight is now gone (&then some YAY). (doing this workout plus yoga/kickboxing when I can get to it this week)

Moral of my story: It’s okay to lose your shit [I’m convinced everyone does -and those who say they don’t have bad days are just a bunch of liars] just get back up after you’ve been feeling down.

oh.. & whatever you do don’t wallow by eating food you’ll regret because you’re regretting eating food [guilty] it just makes your journey that much harder.

ps. Amedeo if you are reading this. I’m sorry and thank you for dealing with me that day 🙂 I LOVE YOU

pps. I know weight loss does not always determine fat loss I am highly educated on the subject. I wrote this post to make others aware of how judgmental women can be on their own bodies and how others should be aware of this. We should be supporting each other not competing with each other!! 🙂

And the training begins..[finally!]

 

So I’ve finally made the commitment to get a trainer.

Meet Krista.

One of my airbrush clients Krista [like her on FB here or check out her website here] has agree to take me under her wing and show me what to do when it come to bikini competitions. Because lets face it.. doing a competition your first time is ridiculously hard. Doing it alone.. even harder! During our little chit chat on the phone yesterday I learned a few things about competition already…

1. Different competition leagues are looking for different things… What is considered the ideal look or girl for one competition can be completely different in another.

2. Close to competition you’re most likely to start shoveling out your pockets for your bikini, shoes, tan, make up, hair, hotel… eek. But remember it’s all part of the process.

3. Be part of a team… having a bunch of girls to compete/travel/get ready for the show with makes it a lot easier. A support group is important in ALL aspects of life and can totally help you when you’re going through a tough time or a challenge [like not eating cheese for three months!!]

4. After the competition.. I’m sure we all wish we could have 7% body fat foreves but it is extremely unhealthy and you are bound to get sick BUT eating all the food you’ve been missing the day after the competition is a total nightmare for your digestive system as well. Eat right after the competition and slowly introduce the yummy foods you miss back into your diet the same way you took them out.

After talking we decided the best way to decide if I’m really ready to take the dive is to start with the clean eating habits. So of course last night I had my last hoorah [baked clams, eggplant rollantini, and pasta.. oh my!]. I’m sorta nervous for this whole clean eating thing [lets face it i do cheat a little!].. I would love/encourage anyone who had been thinking about it to start with me and share tips and tricks!

Oh ps my Zcut dvds came too, so until Krista starts to train me I’ll be doing those [plus 15 mins yoga plus 10-20 mins of running]

xor

Skinny Tip: juice vitamin boost

Sugarless Wine [dreams do come true!]

Once a myth, now a reality! Sugarless wine! Not only is it sugar free, it’s organic!

I swear I could kiss/marry the person who thought this up.

What’s sweeter than sugar free/organic wine? It comes in sparkling too.. they even have discounts on wine with damaged labels. I’m obsessed.

Options are sugarless Tannat, Malbec, Cabernet Sauvignon or Sparkling.

Perfect gift especially for an at home skinny dinner…perhaps V-day [cough cough boyfriend!]

But wait sugarless gets even sweeter. Dailycandy.com has a special going on right now on this wine making it like 50% off.  [and they also have deals on their own website @ sugarless wines.com]

You can thank me later :]

xo

r

A Skinny Superbowl

It’s easy to binge at parties..ESPECIALLY Superbowl Sunday. I lahhhh wings, potato skins, mozzarella sticks, and beer w the bros. My father owns a bar in harrison Off the Grid [great place to go with friends] and the food is amazing! I always end up getting there starving. I don’t eat alll day so I can “save” my calories for a Harley burger [burger and coleslaw and russian dressing on a grilled cheese] and a few beers. By the end of the burger I can barely  move and I just want to crawl back in bed after my binge and sleep forever.

But wait…

How am I saving calories by eating 3x what I normally eat?

TIP: Eat BEFORE you go out.

Seriously. Eating beforehand helps stop the binge. Instead I’ll snag a bite of someone else burger [what boyfriends were made for,obvi] , grab a mozzarella stick and a few fries. And throw down a shot or two of jack.

WAYYY less fat/carbs/cals everything.

AND you won’t feel like shit after/hate yourself for eating like a pig.

Enjoy the parties this weekend 🙂

xoR