Once upon a time…(aka Sunday) I completely lost my shit.
After two long weeks of a gluten free, dairy free, fun free diet [& working out 6x a week] cheat night had finally arrived…
Saturday was “cheat night/date night” with Amedeo. We settled on Gnocchi with vodka sauce and fresh mozzarella on top and some vino. On the way to pick up the order Burger King caught my eye and I [easily] talked Amedeo into splitting a whopper with fries and a cinnabun for dessert. Yes it was the PERFECT cheat meal.. Until the next day.
The next day we woke up and Amedeo looked completely shredded, better than any of the guys in movie we watched the night before [Magic Mike]. Thoughts:WTF SERIOUSLY. I looked in the mirror. Thoughts: Ew.. but expected after a night like I had it’s prob not that bad.
Of course I weigh myself (as I COMPULSIVELY do every morning) and there it was 120.8. I officially declared I hate life. THOUGHTS: Seriously, how is it that a year and a half ago I was a pack a day smoker, I ate whatever I wanted (the 1 or 2x a day I ate) , lived on red bull and was 110 pounds. I know it’s just a number but seriously I’ve come so far just to dread/obsess over a number on a scale.
After tons of whining and freaking out and thoughts of going out and eating doughnuts. I got my shit together for about 20 minutes to kinda/sorta/almost run on the treadmill. I declared today a rest day and ate fairly healthy.
Seriously tho my goal is not unrealistic..I just want to look like Vanessa Tib.. or Bella Falconi. I know what you’re thinking but seriously here is a before and after of v.tib (1-2 pic is 6 months- one year progress). I SPECIFICALLY look at them for inspiration because they ARE my height.
I hated my boyfriend for looking good and being such a know it all about looking good. I hated my body, my hair, my face, my entire existence. Seriously I laid in bed all day and just moped around like a loser. I don’t know how the hell I managed that day to eat okay [prob bc I was tracking myself on myfitnesspal] let alone got the motivation to like… work out yesterday but I did.. TWICE.
It really bothers me how everyone’s all LA DEE DA I LOVE HEALTH! I tried to be like that but in reality I’M FUCKING STARVING! I researched shit all day Sunday and decided to incorporate carbs back in.. Honestly when you are working out SO hard you cannot deprive yourself and only eat 1200 calories. It’s unrealistic. Look up what these ladies eat it is insane.
Two days later I looked in the mirror after a session at the gym [and a bagel w/cc for breakfast!] and finally saw the lines/weight loss my boyfriend said he saw but I couldn’t. The weight I re-gained overnight is now gone (&then some YAY). (doing this workout plus yoga/kickboxing when I can get to it this week)
Moral of my story: It’s okay to lose your shit [I’m convinced everyone does -and those who say they don’t have bad days are just a bunch of liars] just get back up after you’ve been feeling down.
oh.. & whatever you do don’t wallow by eating food you’ll regret because you’re regretting eating food [guilty] it just makes your journey that much harder.
ps. Amedeo if you are reading this. I’m sorry and thank you for dealing with me that day 🙂 I LOVE YOU
pps. I know weight loss does not always determine fat loss I am highly educated on the subject. I wrote this post to make others aware of how judgmental women can be on their own bodies and how others should be aware of this. We should be supporting each other not competing with each other!! 🙂
Rachel Begins Here... 